The Swiss dominated at Sunday's Cape Argus Pick n Pay MTB Challenge at the Boschendal Wine Estate amidst scorching temperatures.

Martin Fanger and Esther Suss, both from Switzerland, were the first male and female to cross the 55km finish line. "I was surprised to win. It is my first time in this country and I didn't know the riders I was competing against today. South Africa is really cool and I think I'll be back for the MTB Challenge next year," Fanger said.

Erik Kleinhans (GT Bicycles) from Stellenbosch finished in second place with fellow Matie, Johnny Kritzinger (Schwinn), coming third. "It was hot out there, very hot. I aimed for a wine but I'm actually very happy with third place. Martin was very strong. I'm also impressed with Erik. He caught up to me in the last 1km."

David Bellairs, Co-Director of the Cape Town Cycle Tour Trust, described the race conditions as "very hot, dry and dusty, overall very testing".

Medi Clinic's Dr Basil Bonner, the official race doctor, said the medical tent had their hands full. "The weather was a major factor and we treated a number of cyclists for heat-related incidents. There were also a few falls, of which the majority were not serious."

Despite the extreme heat, a record number of 4 200 cyclists took part in the MTB Challenge, making it the country's biggest mountain biking event. "We attribute the ever increasing success of this event to the fact that it's a safe, family-friendly affair. After the race hundreds of families picnicked on the Boschendal Wine Estate's lawns, contributing to the wonderful atmosphere, commented Meurant Botha, Co-Organiser.

Last year's female winner, Heletje van Staden, flew back from the Sani2C on Saturday night to defend her title. Unfortunately the airline she flew with lost her bicycle, making it impossible for her to take part.

Esther Suss was the first female to cross the finish line.

With 10 days to go to the 32nd Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour on 8 March, organisers are committed to ensuring that cyclists enjoy a stress-free trip over Boyes Drive.

Due to extensive road works on Main Road in Muizenberg making the road unsafe, a decision was made to reroute the Cycle Tour over Boyes Drive.

The Boyes Drive detour is only 1km longer than the old route. Cyclists have to tackle a 1km climb up from Main Road to reach the 3km flat section. All along Boyes Drive slower cyclists are advised to keep left so that faster cyclists can overtake on the right.

"We studied Boyes Drive in detail and have taken a number of precautions to ensure cyclists' safety," said Ken Sturgeon, Co-Director of the Cape Town Cycle Tour Trust.

"2.8kms after the 1km hill climb up from Main Road, there is a refreshment station and an escape route down Old Boyes Drive back to Main Road as well as a control point where marshalls will slow or stop cyclists should there be any problems further along Boyes Drive. We will have full medical support along this section of the route," Sturgeon explained.

A sharp corner, 1km after the highest point of Boyes Drive, will be signposted and lined with straw bales.

The final descent down Clairvaux Road into Kalk Bay must be approached with extreme caution and cyclists are strongly advised not to exceed 30km/hour. This stretch has been declared a neutral zone, which means no overtaking is allowed and it will be clearly signposted.

Warning signs and marshals with loud hailers will be in place to control the descent. Straw bales will line the corners and some cat eyes have been removed from the left side of the top corner. Cyclists will be deflected towards the right hand lane to ease sharp corners. Rough sections of road surfaces have been improved but some uneven sections remain.

It is most important that cyclists check their brakes and ensure that their bikes are properly serviced ahead of Cycle Tour. "My advice to cyclists is to take it easy along Boyes Drive on a bicycle that's in good running order," Sturgeon concluded.

I don't mean to make a mountain out of a molehill, but since I started on my saddle mission to conquer the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour, my steepest learning curve has been cycling up hills. When it comes to hills and drugs - I'm no pusher.

Because I refuse to get off my bike I've devised a cunning strategy. It's not a scientifically developed heart-rate cadence plyometric thing, you won't find it in any cycling manual and it's not something instructors will tell you.

But if you follow my example you may never have another uphill battle. I have to thank Mr Lamont, my Standard 7 geography teacher, for my climbing success. Most people have fond memories of a teacher who inspired them to believe in themselves. I don't. I've just got Mr Lamont - a sadistic oaf, who taunted, tormented and teased me. At the bottom of a steep hill, I take a deep breath and think of Mr Lamont and how he made my life a living hell. I pedal furiously as I think about the time he humiliated me in front of the class because I answered "Hungary" when asked what the poorest country in the world was. Before I know it, I'm a third of the way up the hill. Soon, though, the climb gets tougher and my legs begin to ache so I turn my thoughts to more sources of ire.

I think of telesales people who interrupt me at important times to tell me I've been exclusively selected for a spcial deal. Yeah right! I think of Telkom's decree that I can only report my faulty landline from a landline, but my landline is faulty! I think of the 10-hour wait at PE airport when my plane was delayed. I think of queujumpers on the M5 and able-bodied jerks who park in bays reserved for disabled people. I think of SABC continuity announcers and load-shedding and people who abuse exclamation marks!!! I think of the hours I'll never get back being told that "your call is important to us".

I think about the plumber who left us without hot water for eight days and Randall Abrahams's sneer. I think of people who are cruel to animals and corrupt politicians and Hansie Cronje. I think of my ex-girlfriend who made off with my Bob Dylan CD and people who drive SUVs in the city = the best 4x4 on tar? I think of the cost of petrol. I think of Lucky Dube and Taliep Petersen and Sheldon Cohen. I think of racists who urinate in old women's food. I seethe. Purple fumes of rage pour out of my ears, but I'm halfway up the hill. Now, though, it's time for some serious anger. My thoughts turn to Edgbaston 1999. That SA vs Australia World Cup semifinal. Why didn't you run, Allan? Why, Allan, why? I think of the government's catastrophic HIV policy, attacks on the judiciary and apartheid leaders who got away with murder. I think of being stuck in traffic and the ANC Youth League's bumbling leader, Julius Malema, and how his bombastic rabble-rousing threatens our democracy.

These thoughts allow me to power up three-quarters of the way up the hill. To get to the top, though, I need to draw on my inner ire; I need something special for my final, desperate push. I need to think of someone who inspires raw anger.

When I need to go into rage overdrive I can reply on Robert Mugabe to make my blood boil. I think of the people he has allowed to starve, the political opponents he has tortured and the economy he has destroyed, Bob drives me up the hill.

When I get to the top of the hill the rage and fury melt away. It's a cathartic experience; it's therapy on wheels. And when people want to know my secret to uphill success, I just smile mysteriously and tell them: I do cross training.

Every year on December 31 I compiled a list of resolutions. Things that I will do - or stop doing - in order to become a better person. I won't laze about all day in my underpants. I'll join a gym, drink spinach milkshakes and return library books on time. I won't tell fibs. I'll be polite to telesales people. I won't log onto www.bigbusts.com during working hours. (Not that I actually ever did, Boss. Honest. Okay, one time but I was doing research for a story on politicians who have been busted - it's a mistake anyone could make.)

However, on December 31 2007 I resolved to never again make another resolution. You see on January 3 when you phone the pizza delivery guy and he says, "Hi Jonathan, we've been waiting for your call" and you're still in your underpants and the first of 24 R350 monthly deductions has just gone from your bank account into the bank account of the gym, which you know you'll never set foot in - you feel depressed. As a result of my no-more-resolutions resolution I had a blissful, guilt-free 2008.

On December 31 2008 I broke my resolution and made a resolution. Why? Perhaps it was because I became caught up in the Obama Yes-We-Can frenzy. Or maybe it was because after being part of the Cycle Tour's Training Wheels programme for two months I was overconfident. What I do know is that on December 31, while sitting in my underwear and munching on a sice of pizza, I resolved that in 2009 I would overtake another cyclist on my bike.

In my two months training for Cycle Tour I had become tired of eating other cyclists' dust. Always the overtakee, never the overtaker. When I first hear the cyclist behind me some macho instinct takes over and I pump the pedals as hard as I can, but it's no use. The overtaker gives me a patronizing nod of the head as he or she sails past. I have come to hate The Nod. It was time someone ate my dust.

And then it happened. Just nine days into the new year I was on the road and saw a speck on the horizon. My time has come, I thought. I'm going to tough it out. I put my head down and pedalled furiously. When I looked up the speck was no longer a speck - it was a fleck. I put my head down again and when I looked up 696 pedal strokes later the fleck was, in fact, a dit. There were two possible conclusions: either my eyesight was improving with each pedal stroke or I was gaining on the cyclist. Can it be? I wondered. Yes It Can!

About 10 minutes later I looked up and saw that Speck-Fleck-Dot was a silhouette. A minute later I was within striking distance of my two-wheeled prey, who I noticed had grey hair. A silver-haired saddle sage with kilometres of experience under his tyres. I was exhausted, but the fact that I was just a few metres away of becoming an overtaker inspired me to greatness - this is what motivates Lance Armstrong, I thought, as I cycled side-by-side my victim. He looked up and, holding his gaze, I did it: I gave him The Nod. "Great day for riding," I wheezed as I sailed past. Although what I really meant was: "Prepare to eat my dust, sucker!"

"It's beautiful," he agreed. "I've really missed it. It's my first time on my bike since my hip replacement."

I don't care. I'll take it. My resolution was to overtake someone and I did. There will be no more resolutions from me this year - just revolutions. Completing the Cycle Tour will take 54 173 revolutions. I hope to make every single one of those revolutions.

If the power of prayer works, then recognition for the fact that the authorities gave the all-clear yesterday for Chapman's Peak Drive to be open on March 8 must go to the Training Wheels recruits.

On Saturday, which was our final clinic, Gary, our Cycle Lab instructor, told us it was time for Survivor OKW - he was sending us over the tough Ou Kaapseweg, the alternative route if Chapman's Peak stayed shut. That night, after huffing, puffing and wheezing our way over the mountain, I'm pretty sure that most of the Wheelies got down on their knees and prayed for Chappies to be re-opened in time for Saddle Day. When I heard the good news I was a happy chappie.

Of course, there is a small matter of signing an indemnity should rocks come spewing down the mountain on us. We'll take our chances - just happy that we can chew on Chappies. Besides, as I have discovered over the last few months, rocks aren't a cyclist's enemy. No, cars are our real nemesis. Or rather the people behind the cars' steering wheels.

When the Cape Town Cycle Tour Trust's Co-Director, Dave Bellairs, got up to address the Wheelie recruits at our first spinning session in November he told us that the Cycle Tour was, in fact, a spectacular failure. The tour was organised in 1978 to highlight the need for cycle paths in Cape Town. Thirty-one years later there are still no dedicated bicycle routes in the City and anyone who has ever cycled on the road can testify that Cape Town remains cyclist unfriendly. While cyclists are not blameless, motorists tend not to see cyclists. They drive too close and they don't slow down when they pass us on narrow roads. Eight days after Dave addressed us - and the day of our first clinic - experienced cyclist Creslin Attwood was knocked down and killed in what was described as a hit-and-run. Last week Morne Jones, the man allegedly behind the wheel, appeared in court. He is charged with culpable homicide and failing to render assistance.

If he were alive, Creslin would have lined up for his 20th Pick n Pay Cape Argus Cycle Tour in a row on March 8. He had more than 2 000km of Cycle Tour under his belt - and last year he completed the Cycle Tour in just over three hours.

I hope we have a boulder-free ride this year, but I also hope that motorists become more cautious and vigilant on the road - so more unnecessary deaths can be avoided.

To describe the past 10 days at the Cycle Tour office as anything less than frenetic would not be doing the time justice. From an office point of view we now move into the crazy period. Provisional seedings are out and cyclists by the thousand are in daily contact with us, espousing the virtues of their prowess and debating at length with the team as to why they should all be seeded in "A group". If only Lance knew the depth of the talent that we have here in SA waiting to pounce should he dare to venture to our sun baked shores...

If the thousands of e-mails and phone calls were not enough to send the most hardened gladiator scurrying to seek refuge then the frustration around trying to seek resolution to the Chapman's Peak issue certainly would. As I write this we await confirmation of an audience with the provincial authorities in a last ditch attempt to gain access to the Peak for the Tour on the 8th of March. We are quietly optimistic that good sense will prevail and the correct decision will be made. Should this decision be that Chappies is not available to us, then all plans are already in play to activate the Ou Kaapse Weg option.

As if Chapman's weren't enough, we are still wrestling with the logistical challenges that face us along the main road between Muizenberg and Kalk Bay. A final announcement on this stretch of the route will be made on Tuesday the 3rd of February.

On a more relaxing note, I was extremely privileged to have spent this past weekend in the hospitable town of Oudtshoorn. During my 20 years in the sport I have ridden many fun rides in many parts of South Africa but I must confess that the Langenhoven Gimnasium Fun Ride was one of my more pleasant road-riding experiences. There is something so peaceful about riding through the foothills of the Swartberg Mountains in an area where, for the day, bicycles outnumbered cars! If you ever find yourself in the area in late January, do take the time to participate in and experience this wonderful event.

Stay tuned to this site for updates around the event and the happenings at our office. I trust that all your training is now starting to pay off and look forward to seeing you all at the various fun rides around the country, starting with the VW/EP Herald this weekend.

Safe cycling,

Dave Bellairs

On November 15 - with 112 days to S-Day (Saddle Day) - the Wheelie recruits met for our first clinic at Westlake, near Muizenberg. That morning I went in search of my bike. When I eventually found it, I discovered that even the cobwebs on it had cobwebs.

At this clinic, the Training Wheels' organisers told us, Cycle Lab's pros would give us a crash course in crash avoidance. They would also teach us about the etiquette of riding in a group and how to sail up hills like Lance Armstrong.

We started a gentle 1km circuit of the business park. This isn't too bad - 1km down, 108km to go I thought - as we completed the first lap. But as I gently squeezed my brakes I discovered that all was not well with my bike. GWWAAAARRRRRRH! The ground shook as my brakes let out a terrible groan.

"Do you know that your bike sounds like a foghorn?" asked a fellow cyclist.

I turned around and looked at the cyclist behind me as if it was his metal steed that was growling like a wounded monster, but nobody was fooled - least of all the cyclist behind me, who said: "Jeeze, your bike sounds like a cat being tortured!"

We were instructed to do the 1km circuit again. Perhaps the bike just needs to get it out of its system, I thought hopefully, as we set off. But I was wrong. As we came to the end of the lap and I pressed the brakes gingerly, my bike GWWAAAARRRRRRHed again, prompting more comments from my fellow cyclists.

"It's like you've got a car hooter," said one.

"That noise is like a... a... a... a big noise," another one offered.

Even the instructor had a go - "Wow, that's like a goose being strangled" - before coming up with some, er, sound advice: "You should get your brakes seen to."

I took his advice and my brakes have been fixed. To all the whale spotters who jumped out of bed and raced to Muizenberg after hearing whale-like wailing at the crack of dawn on November 15... I'm terribly sorry.

Doof. Doof. Doof. I'm surrounded by sweaty bodies in lycra clothing as fast doof-doof-doof "music" thumps through the speakers. No, I'm not at a rave. I'm at a spinning class at Virgin Active. It's November 9 - the very first session for Training Wheels recruits. Through a programme of spinning sessions and supervised rides, the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour aims to get this motley crew of beginners saddle savvy by March 8.

The spinning instructor is trying to convince us that we're not even in the gym. We're on the road with breathtaking sea and mountain views (in this scenario there are no speeding motorists wooshing past). I close my eyes and try to picture the mountain and smell the salty sea breeze. Nah. My only view is of my fellow spinners in a spin and no matter how much I try (and believe me I do try) the stench of sweaty socks can't be mistaken for a sea breeze.

Before I got on the bike I knew that spinning was something spiders did to trap their prey, I knew it was something chubby Australian bowlers did (also to trap their prey) and I knew it was what politicians did when asked tough questions they didn't want to answer. I didn't realise it was also something that could be done on a bike.

The session goes by in a blaze of perspiration and "let's get physical" doof-doof thumps. But I make it through without stopping. (Between you and me that might have been because the stern instructor pointed her glare in my direction whenever I was tempted to slack off.)

I walk out of the gym, and although I feel like I've been whirled, twirled and whisked through a washing machine's spin cycle, I can't help feeling a bit smug. I have taken a step. It's a small step down a long road - 109-kilometres long to be exact. But it's a step nonetheless. I look at my fellow novice cyclists as they drag their weary bodies out of the gym. We are different people in various stages of fitness from different walks of life but we have one thing in common: in 118 days we intend to conquer Chappies.

Dust off your kids' bikes, trikes or pushbikes - online entries for the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Tricycle and Junior Tour are open!

Be sure to enter your young ones between 15 January and 15 February 2009 by logging on to www.tricycletour.co.za or www.juniortour.co.za.

The Tricycle Tour (presented by Bonaqua) aims to teach toddlers and young children the essential elements of cycling under the watchful eye of an accompanying parent. Kids between the ages of two and six are encouraged to take part in this 1,5km fun ride. Parents, remember to bring along your running shoes!

The Junior Tour (presented by Spur Steak Ranches) consists of a 5km or 10km route and is for children between the ages of six and 12. First-timers can have Mom or Dad riding along.

The Tricycle and Junior Tour is the ultimate excuse to drag your kids away from their PC or TV screens, so don't miss this fun-filled family day!

Please note the "No Helmet No Ride" rule will be strictly enforced.

In order to enter, or for more info, check out www.tricycletour.co.za or www.juniortour.co.za.      

My name is Jonathan and I was almost a 38-year old virgin.

I came so close, but an event took place to change my status. No, no no. It's not what you're thinking. You see, the organisers of the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour were planning to call its programme for newbie cyclists "The Virgins", but at the last minute decided to call it "Training Wheels". Does that make me a 38-year old wheelie? I think I'd rather be a virgin.

Perhaps it's just as well. After all, the decision to enter Cycle Tour was made during an ante-natal class. When my wife discovered she was pregnant, I told her that I was going to be there for her.

"Sure," she said, "we'll share the joy of the baby when she's born, but I will have to endure the discomforts of pregnancy alone."

"No," I assured her. "I'll help you bear the pain." At the time I really meant it. She just raised an eyebrow.

So, in solidarity, I gave up all the things she had to give up. It was the least I could do.

Goodbye caffeine, soft cheeses and alcohol. Hello pickled onion and tootchpaste sandwiches and anything else her hormone-bubbling body craved. I knew, though, that however much I tried I would never be able to, er, reproduce the pain of childbirth.

The midwife who took the ante-natal class agreed. "Appreciate your partners," she told the fidgeting expectant fathers, "because you'll never understand what moms go through." And then the the midwife dropped the bombshell: "If you want just a little taste of what they'll be going through, then sign up to ride the Cycle Tour."

My wife gave a small but noticeable nod of her head - and with that nod my fate was sealed. On March 8, I will be cycling 109 kilometres. Or, to put it another way, I will be cycling 109 KILLERmetres.

I registered for Cycle Tour and was invited to join the Training Wheels programme - a pilot project launched by the Cycle Tour, Virgin Active and Cycle Lab for first time Cycle Tour cyclists. The programme teachies new cyclists to repair punctures, climb hills, select gears and ride in a group. There are also spinning classes and supervised rides.

Which is why on Sunday, November 15, I woke up at the crack of dawn to make my way to Westlake for the programme's first clinic. "The last time I was awake this early on a Sunday morning was 15 years ago and I was only awake because I hadn't gone to bed yet," I grumbled to my sleeping wife.

"It's so early I feel nauseous and I can't even have a cup of coffee," I moaned.

If I had been expecting sympathy I would have been sorely disappointed.

"My wife opened an eye and said: "At least now you have an idea of what morning sickness feels like."

* Jonathan Ancer is the Group Training Editor for Independent Newspapers. Follow the run-up to Jonathan's very first Cycle Tour every Wednesday.